Would you drown in a pool full of Jello?

When i was a kid i often imagined the amazing things i would do with the oodles of money made from working a real job. One thrill i envisioned was filling my swimming pool with Jello and going for a dip. Sounds like fun, but i’m fairly certain i would wind up dead. Scientists have been working on this problem for decades, and so the debate ensues. Basically, i don’t think you would be able to swoosh liquid away from yourself sufficiently to create the back force necessary to counteract the force of gravity. Trying to tread water might be impossible because of the consistency, causing you to sink to the bottom and suffocate. Or maybe it would work. . . .PLEASE DONATE $10000 and i’ll get you a result- although sadly the result may coincide with the cessation of the blog.

Gelatin is made from cow, horse and pig hooves. You find it in Jello, Junior mints, sour creams- please have a close look for it if you’re going vegetarian. This is one of those food facts producers try to suppress. . . .Just doing my part as the anti-media, back to our story. . . . .


So there were other fantastical situations i imagined when i was a kid. I haven’t forgotten them, but now they’ve taken on a sinister reality. I thought for years that one day humans may travel to a planet made entirely of small plastic balls. What fun right? Swimming through a pool of balls in every direction forever. Today, i fear again of the sinking factor. Supposing that this planet had no core of a different substance, the weight of surface balls would be impacting on the inner balls. A full planet would deliver a great deal of force on the balls at the very center causing them to crush and eventually liquefy. Now if you were to be dropped on such a planet, you too would fall towards the center of the planet- thats how gravity works. Compare the structure of your own body to that of a plastic ball, humans are considerably heavier and tougher. Your weight would greatly outdo the weight of the balls, dropping you ever towards the center into more and more compacted space. Sinking from the surface it would keep getting darker like in the pits of the ocean- until eventually no light can reach you. I think its entirely possible that this childhood fantasy would end with my body being crushed in total darkness.


I also liked water slides a lot as a kid. I imagined that one day i could ride an infinite slide that just kept going and going. Non-stop fun forever right? Well, here we need to envision what happens when the finite comes in contact with the infinite. Inevitably, the finite will be completely destroyed in the face of the infinite. How does this apply to my super slider. 1 hour sliding: fun fun, skins getting a bit raw. 4 hours sliding: skin getting very raw and red, but still pretty fun. 12 hours sliding, outer dermis almost completely worn off, surface now actually painful and not fun. 20 hours +, body grinding away relentlessly. Options? Stop yourself of course, problem solved. Although remember the slide is infinite and muscles are not, eventually i will give way after any stopping and continue sliding. The obvious conclusion to this scenario is that my entire body would be slowly ground away until nothing remained. If there’s a hell and I’m going please don’t inform the devil. This line of torturing would really get my goat “Please no more, release my soul! I will not illegally download movies in my next life!”

Not every fantasy is failing me mind you. I’m still hankering for some things. When you’ve all done your part and DONATED $10000 I’m going to build a gymnasium with a trampoline floor, I’m still going to design a living room/shower with plastic furniture, 100’s of shower heads, and a tv behind waterproof glass. Oh, and i assure you your hard earned cash will be spent building me a giant Archie Comics dispenser for my bathroom.

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16 Responses to “Would you drown in a pool full of Jello?”

  1. remistevens Says:

    HEY EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!

    Help out the Remi agenda.

    Leave a super positive comment about this Jello topic if you’re stopping by. . .Please. . . .I’m just damned curious as to whether or not you would drown in such a pool. I’m going to try and get them to do this on the show Mythbusters, i figure it will help if i send them a link to this post to see that there is some serious interest in this problem.

    I just think it would be cool if the bolg could infect mainstream media!!!

    Afterwards i’ll delete my comment so that everybody seems unprompted.. . ..

    suggestions, feel free to copy/paste if you like:

    “I’ve wonder about this my entire life, help me find peace Remi!”
    “If i don’t find out if i would die in Jello i will die of curiousity”
    “My cousin was found dead with Jello in his lungs, we just want closure. . . “

  2. exuvia Says:

    In the seeming world of bolg Jell-e-o is a sure way to sink to the realm of the Behemoth; the region of cloves and hoofs. A pool full of Jell-e-o is the very door way into darkness; you become what you eat. Add a horn or two to the production of gelatin and you can become a stand up comedian with a devilish act. In fact no one can really tell you how deep you will sink; the pit is rumored to be bottomless.

    See the image. Its burning hot and skeletal parts are strewn all over the place. Where do you think you are? In a gelatin factory off course!

    If you hope for greener pastures eat your jelly bears made with fruit pectin. Carcass free… naturally. Get your inner child one today.


  3. exuvia Says:

    All the rights to the brand name Jell-e-o are reserved by and belong to exuvia at http://www.exuavia.wordpress.com

    That includes such derivatives as: Jell-@-o, jell-e-Oh and jell-e-Ohhhhhh; with ‘h’ to infinity.

    No cheating now… Ask nicely and above all talk to my lawyer.

    Disclaimer: Jell-e-o is not to be confused with jell-O the brand mark of Kraft Foods. We are worlds apart.


  4. remistevens Says:

    hmmmm. . . .i suppose convincing a tv show to spend $20000 on a gelatin product may conflict with my complaint about the animal processing.

  5. exuvia Says:

    Remi, during my last psychoanalytical session I took your post with me and instead of talking to my shrink about my self I just read out loud from your bolg; he never looks at me any way. Analysts are not supposed to contaminate their client’s story with their own comment but apparently he couldn’t help himself: “What the hell!” I think I should have my money back.

    He was so disturbed by the image of the child being ground up on the slide and his bones being turned into food stuff for humans and animals. I had to hold him for the longest time until he stopped trembling. I’m looking for a new therapist with nerves of steel; any suggestions? I’ll travel to any part in the world.

  6. exuvia Says:

    I see your point. Still the ‘shit’ (street slang referring to the object in mind) is all ready on the shelf and we are not talking about gobbling up a swimming pool full of… Oh I’m not feeling so well

  7. exuvia Says:

    We could use jell-e-o. Angiosperm all the way.

  8. exuvia Says:

    We enter the live-and-let-live zone. I sanction the experiment.

  9. remistevens Says:

    If you’re alright with it, I’m alright with it. I wonder what Black Rogers thinks?

  10. Black Rogers Says:

    WhaTs iT lIK3 Dr0WN na p00L a Bich3s?

    Done that.

    iT wAs f*ckin’ D0Pe

  11. exuvia Says:

    @ Black Rogers

    Mr. Black,

    Do you take patients?
    And if so, do you accept red cross-white shield, a swiss health insurance gold solid?

    I’m on the look out for a new therapist for a long term therapy commitment; just lost my last therapist over the topic of gelatin.

    Tuesdays work well for me; I would book double sessions; I have so much to tell. For starters I believe I am using anorexia as a social excuse to be a vegetarian.

    Sincerely yours

  12. Black Rogers Says:


    Dr. Black is C-in pati3nts all da tim3.

    Dis is CanDa, pay U tax3s, g3t U Doct3rin! Even if U ain’t payin!

    I us3 hung3r as a sexcuse to B A mass murdre.

    Driv3 buys, burg3rs and bitch3s bro.

  13. exuvia Says:

    You are on Dr. Black; you seem to be the kind of together person I need to disguss my issues around gelatin.

    I don’t pay taxes in Canada so you’re going to have to accept my Swiss gold; its as good as it is heavy.

    Can be used for gold fillings in any ethnical setting.

    I’ll be calling your secretary.

  14. How to Get Six Pack Fast Says:

    The style of writing is quite familiar to me. Have you written guest posts for other blogs?

  15. remistevens Says:

    Whoops, no not yet six pack man. Maybe subconsciously, or consciously, i’ve been ripping of other bloggers. Hense “Bolg”, gotta keep it fresh.

  16. Filthy Kitchen Article: Avoid Switching Gears « The Remi Stevens Bolg Says:

    […] Granted prep and learning times on something simple like vacuuming are pretty short, but its still wasted time. You should only ever turn your vacuum on once per […]

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